I spent most of my life struggling to find my value. I looked for it everywhere. I looked for it in men, work, in relationships, only to see I was coming up short. Not understanding why I could give my time and love to others and not feel I was receiving the same back in equal measure. Enter my spiritual awakening...
In 2013, I had my spiritual awakening. I discovered life from such a different perspective. I discovered my gift of healing and mediumship. I opened my business doing full time mediumship which grew into spiritual coaching. Through this time, the real inner healing work began. I started going deep within myself to understand why I experienced the trauma and loneliness I did as a child. I saw some aspects of why I experienced the loss of my little sister at age 5, the trauma of a rapist intruder in our home, the dysfunctionality of living with two parents in deep grief and pain. I watched my parents emotionally close off to each other, live in separate spaces and live life in survival mode. The pain was deep within them. As an adult, I have seen that little Summer who witnessed this and I notice her pain in feeling alone, not loved, not seen, not heard. Feeling alone without the proper emotional mirroring I needed for healthy functioning.
Unconsciously, layers and layers of stories and beliefs formed in my body and mind. That while I consciously knew I wasn't in a thriving happy home, I didn't understand that it was highly dysfunctional, that I would attract and play out these unhealthy patterns in my relationships.
Over and over again I attracted men who were emotionally unavailable to me. Feeling as though my happiness was going to come from another. That if only they could see me, if I could fix them or help them see their potential that maybe they would change. Under my layers, I didn't feel worthy of love. Even deeper, I too, was emotionally unavailable.
Yet, throughout my relationships I felt a deep loneliness, lack of true love. Little did I know that everything I really believed about love was, in fact, playing out in my relationships. In 2016, I really started to open my gifts of mediumship and access to divine spirit. I put in my effort and built a business helping people through loss, pain, cycles, opening their gifts, understanding what they are to heal in order to ascend higher. Through this work, my relationship with my husband was greatly challenged, and the truth is, it was from the beginning. When he and I met, I was in a deeply depressed state. I had recently split from my fiancé and moved out as a single mother of 2 year old twins, and as fate would have it, my steady job came to a quick end. Enter, my husband. He came in like a knight in shining armor and rescued me. Little did I know at the time that this was the perfect relationship for me to discover my real wounds. As the saying goes, we attract what we are and what is unhealed (whether we are conscious of it or not).
So our dynamic started: the co-dependent and narcissistic dysfunctional dynamic. But there is much to understand about the wounding of this dynamic and how codependent relationships (both parties) have similar wounding from childhood. I felt I had to walk on egg shells much of the time, felt drained by his presence often and felt unseen/unheard. I had little to no boundaries, nor did I fully understand what they were. His presence squashed mine often. He felt threatened as I started to rise in my business and relationships. It reared its head every time I rose, somehow someway it would be a comment, gaslight or argument about my beliefs I wanted to share with the world. Unconscious to him, I was stepping into my power and that was threatening the dynamic he felt so safe in, the dynamic that played out his wounding as well. What would it mean if I gained stability and financial success on my own? That maybe, just maybe, I would no longer need him, and that threatened the status quo we were so familiar with. The cycle continued. Truth is, I continuously gave my power away and that is what counter-dependent individuals feed on.
Both he and I had parents whom played a co-dependent unhealthy dynamic with each other. That is what was modeled to us. We often have no idea how much our parental figures have shaped our perceptions of the world, of relationships, of love. My mothers love often felt conditional to me. I had to do the right thing, play the right part, act the right way for her to approve of me. Little did I know I was dealing with a narcissistic family structure. I don't blame my parents. Their upbringing was fractured and wounded. I chose to interrupt the patterns and dysfunction to heal the family lineage.
The ancestral patterns stop with me.
In 2018, I began to become unsure of my next moves and path in life. I felt dull, sad and gray about life. Going through the motions as a mother of three and a wife and yet I was so unhappy. I knew life had to offer so much more but how? How could I get there? I knew there was so much I wanted to teach others but wasn't awake to the full picture, that was until I was. My body, soul and spirit were screaming at me! I wanted to love life feely free, autonomous, in my power, able to express myself fully and authentically.To have people in my life who lifted me up, loved me for me and I for them... my tribe.
I had grown leaps and bounds, shedding so many old stories of myself over the years that the 3d reality I was living was no longer congruent to the higher emergence of the new me. I was outgrowing my life and I knew it! Through synchronicities, signs, clients with the same wounding, I started to notice a truth. It was time for a parting of ways from my husband, from my home I built, from my way of being and living. The universe and higher self assisted this by emotionally withdrawing me from this relationship.
I came to the boiling point of my journey. I came to the edge of my life, my karma, and the universe was granting me the start of a new life. Gifting me with an abundant life because I owned my wounds, I saw my patterns and understood that I was worthy of it all. I began to feel courage, strength and conviction for my inner truth. I began speaking my truth. I started setting clear boundaries and saying no. Boundaries, truth speaking and saying no are all difficult for the empath/co-dependent. We get scared of hurting others but to what end? Giving ourselves to a state of emptiness.
What I discovered in these steps was a version of Summer I had never seen or felt. I loved myself enough not to want to live unhappy anymore. My self worth was being determined by my actions. I have become the woman I always knew I would be. Deep inside, she was waiting. She wanted to be seen, heard, acknowledged and loved. And I was doing exactly that. I was choosing her. I was choosing love.
I understood that my whole life journey of feeling powerless and unworthy was a large part of my purpose here. To end the cycle and teach others the truth about love, relationships and self worth. I did the big thing, I asked for a divorce. I had most of the people around me not support me in this. I felt alone through much of it. And it takes courage to go it alone. But the person I have become as a result of choosing me, is unmatched to the previous expression of me. During this time I made a VOW: to keep my heart open, allow things to unfold and not be attached to any outcomes.
Little did I know that during this time, DEEP deep healing would occur for both myself and my husband. This separation brought all the stories we claimed from our childhood to the forefront. Moments of anger arose, moments of tender care and love did too, learning to hold space for one anothers moments of pain. Meanwhile, the universe also knew that in order for me to truly understand my father wounds, I would need to be attracted to another soul which mirrored this to me. During this time I experienced what some would call a Twin Flame, (which I will call a powerful soul recognition in mirroring) and I saw deep into the likeness of my father and the unhealed parts of him I was still chasing so I could find his (my fathers) love. Through this extreme mirroring and painful experience, I woke up and saw this. I started to undo my deeply embedded unconscious story of my fathers love and realized it was staring in the mirror back at me. Through this experience healing my abandonment wounds, I came home to me. During this time, my husband woke up to his tendencies, went deep into his healing, therapy began and his heart cracked wide open. What happened next I never saw coming. My heart broke back open and we found deep love for each other. This was a result of our work and the universe responded in kind.
The results of doing the work, clearing the karma, learning your life lessons and stepping into your power affords you a higher expression in life. You manifest easier, you have a wide open portal available to you, backed by the divine in support of your spiritual ascension. For that is what we are really all striving for on a soul level. To heal, expand and lift our consciousness. And when we do, we support the global consciousness. We create space for others to do the same. We model what's possible. We live it.
My cup runs full because I choose me. No longer looking to anyone else to fulfill that which was craving to be seen all along and instead learning to work with each healing moment bringing awareness, love, acceptance to the small spaces of my hear ready for greater healing and therefore love.
You are worthy of love.
My desire for you: to know that you are worthy, you are supported, you are strong. You have everything within you to rise. Stop the old beliefs that keep you small. And when you decide this for you, life will feel free. Life will gift back to you!
Your friend in love,
Usui Reiki, 2015
QHHT - Quantum Healing Hypnosis, 2017
Akashic Records, 2017
NLP Practitioner, 2019
CBT -Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Practitioner, 2019
Are you ready for your evolution?
WHAT PEOPLE SAY
"I am a new woman after my healing work and Soul Reading with Summer. She is a true gift to humanity. It’s so hard to find the words of how accurate she is, how she’s able to guide you to a state of healing and new way of thinking when it comes to source, spirit and love. You may not be crying out for help prior to a surgery but what I can tell you is that everyone is on their own healing journey. Holding onto stories and energy of ours pasts that are limiting us in our day to day lives. Like myself, I was unable to identify exactly what IT was but now knowing the true source, I am free. I am awake."